Every year as Christmas approaches, I feel a mix of excitement and anticipation. I want to save for it, and then I want to spend. The years when I’ve been able to spend a little more always bring me this giddy feeling, as if I can deliver Christmas cheer to everyone I love. I often joke that if I were wealthy, I’d go all out—too far out, in fact. That tendency to give too much of myself, whether financially or emotionally, is something I’ve recognized as both a gift and a curse.
Once, a psychic warned me that if I were to come into wealth, I’d be broke within five years. She saw signs of me giving away my resources—draining myself for the sake of someone else who “needed it.” While that might sound selfless to some, it’s actually a hallmark of codependency.
I’m not talking about the joy of giving reasonable, thoughtful gifts to family or making the holidays magical for your kids. That’s part of the season's joy for so many of us. I’m talking about tying your self-worth—and how others perceive you—into what you can give.
A History of Giving Too Much
I remember my first Christmas working and earning money at 18. I worked at the Premium Outlets in Orlando and wanted to spend my hard-earned money on what I considered “quality.” My version of that? A $100 pair of sunglasses for my brother. I charged it to my credit card, not realizing how quickly things would spiral. Days later, I ended up in the hospital and needed an extra $100 to check out, which went on the same card. Before I knew it, I had maxed out my first credit card. Then came the 2008 recession, and I lost my job.
I didn’t realize the depth of my codependency until years later, when relationships started falling apart. A close friendship became so toxic and codependent that I had to leave the friendship—and the town—altogether. Codependency drained me. It kept me focused on what I could do for others as a measure of my worth, leaving me at the mercy of their needs.
A Hard Lesson About Christmas
The first Christmas when I couldn’t afford gifts hit me hard. I was in the middle of launching a business, I had no job, and I knew logically that not giving presents wasn’t the end of the world. I told myself, “Gifts are just part of the corporate machine anyway,” but it didn’t stop the suffering inside.
That happened for three years in a row. I couldn’t give, and it forced me to sit with my emotions and really examine myself. Over time, as my finances improved, I discovered a new balance. I could take care of everyone without overdoing it, without feeling like my worth was tied to my gifts. For the first time, I didn’t feel depleted, and I didn’t tie any emotional baggage to giving. It was just gratitude—gratitude for being in a better place.
The Opposite of Codependency is Empowerment
What I’ve learned is that codependency isn’t just about people-pleasing; it’s about power. Codependency ties your power to someone else—what they need, what they think of you, or what you think you “should” do. But true empowerment comes from within.
At its core, empowerment is the opposite of codependency. When you’re empowered, no one else’s projections can define you. You don’t deplete yourself to prove your worth.
Christmas, Capricorn Energy, and Redefining Status
It’s no wonder Christmas brings up so many of these themes. It falls right in the middle of Capricorn season—a zodiac sign ruled by Saturn, the planet of hard lessons, discipline, and status. Capricorn energy is about the hustle and bustle of the season, the pressure to perform, to provide, to create a picture-perfect holiday. Capricorn feels like the father of the zodiac, the provider who works hard to care for the home. Its opposite, Cancer, is the mother, the nurturer who provides emotional warmth.
But here’s the truth: the joy of Christmas isn’t found in status, spending, or even perfection. It’s about family, connection, and presence. I’ve redefined “status” to mean true self-empowerment—knowing I am enough, no matter what I give or don’t give.
The Thought That Counts
If you’re celebrating Christmas this year, and you feel that pressure to give, to please, or to perform, take a step back. Ask yourself why you feel that way. Are you giving out of love, or out of obligation? Are you tying your worth to your gifts?
Remember, the greatest gifts we can give aren’t the most expensive or thoughtful—they’re our love, our energy, and our time. And no matter what happens this Christmas, it truly is the thought that counts.
Wishing you peace, joy, and empowerment this holiday season. 🎄✨